so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
