i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
