the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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