i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
