We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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