he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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