Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
