I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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