There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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