She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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