there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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