you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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