I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
