she looked like the before picture.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
