Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
