I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
