I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize