Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I didn't notice because vodka
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
