He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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