remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
