I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
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