I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
