dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
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You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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