when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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