It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
