I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
