you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
