You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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