Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
