And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
