I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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