so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
