I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
