I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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