im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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