i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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