dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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