I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
