Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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