the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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