dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
