at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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