hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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