I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
