yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
