Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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