Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
