I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
