fuck your aforementioned shoe
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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