We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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