Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
