dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
