I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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