i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
