she smelled like a LAN party
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
