I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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