He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
