I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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