u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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