What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
