I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
