would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
