How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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