I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize