my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
