Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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