Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
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It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
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Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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