SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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