U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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